


Seasons Should Fear The Reaper

by misfitsbabe



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Brainwashing, F/M, Hostage Situations, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-18 06:10:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfitsbabe/pseuds/misfitsbabe
Summary: Jerking her up again she reached out and grabbed a fistfull of cloth from his shirt, she lulled in his arms blood starting to stain her yellow hair. He watched her starting to come out of his rage filled fit, she licked her lips and started to speak but he couldn't hear her. Leaning down to try and make out her words he caught her scent in his nose. It was intoxicating, he pulled her up into him burying his face in the back of her neck, he groaned wrapping his arms around her and digging his fingertips into her back.“Bellamy….” She mutteredBellamy is captured by the Cerberus workers and turned into a Reaper, he tries his best to remain himself but the drugs dig deep. Clarke finds herself cornered by a strung out and blood thirsty Bellamy. A flash of Blonde, a deep desire, blood and a bond that keeps little more then murder away.





	1. Doctor's Notes

The cerberus project:

Side Notes: Subject has exhibited rare behaviors, it seems less interested in killing than the others.

It seems to adjust to doses.

Always finding new loopholes to exploit.

Considering heavily on killing it. 

Far too interesting to put down. 

Day one: Newest subject did not kill opponent, it maimed the other losing interest as soon as the other could no longer cause damage to it. The subject just sits in the corner watching the glass.

Day five: Subject 079 has adapted to it's instructions, it knows it can not have the durg till the other is dead so it has started leaving the other incapacitated. We only learned when one of the ‘Dead’ was found in the tunnels.

Day 7: Medication has been adjusted and the subject now seems to have lost all ‘humanity’. It kills without hesitation, mostly in one swop. 

Day 10: Subject 079 has now started showing signs of adapting to the higher dose. Strange how it seems to bleed through to the person it once was.

Day 11: The kill order has been filed, one last shot at upping the dose. Shame to waste such a effective hunter.

Day 12: The new dose caused the subject to become more violent, it ripped one of the others throat out with it's teeth for no reason at all. Strange that it was the one we were going to test him against.

Day 14: Two week program is over, 079 is being released into the tunnels with the rest of the subjects. I have put a military cam on it, far too interesting to let go without further study.


	2. The Wind, The Sun, And The Rain

Food. Water. Sleep. Stay alive. Get drug. 

Days had passed since he’d been out of the lab and he seemed to fall into a sort of ritual. Wake up, kill something, eat, drink, hunt for something to trade for his precious drugs. In the few days he’d managed to track down a small village filled with strong looking candidates, it took a considerable amount of effort to wait for one to stray. 

Two days. It took two days for one to slip up, and he took full advantage of it. It was misfortune however that he blacked out the second he came into contact with the stray and ended up covered in blood wearing a jawbone two days later. 

Fish for dinner, a swim to wash the blood away and bait the toothy fish. It was oddly refreshing to bait it and kill it, watch it writhe and howl as he ripped it apart. Food was good, and a new plan was laid out. 

The wait was harder this time. Withdraw was starting to claw at him, it was blurring the edges and cutting his focus in half. Without the stray he wouldn't get the drugs, but in the moment he didn't think he could get the stray without the drug calming him. Lucky for him it was a pair of strays and managed to only kill one. The other was a little broken but he figured they could use it for a blood bag.

The screaming was enough to drive him mad, and it took so more effort than he thought to not kill the sound. It attracted the attention of a few other ‘reapers’ and it help level him out to kill them instead.

The drug was sweet, and it made him swim in extacy. Two days later he found himself huddled around a fire with a few other ‘Reapers’, he ended up leaving without bloodshed. A few weeks passed and he got the swing of things, one week between doses. First two days he was out of it, the last two were a blur of withdraw and fighting to keep control, three in between were his.

Two more weeks went on like this and by the time he went into the first day of withdraw he had made up a place of his own. The search for a sacrifice was a little more difficult this time around, the local villages had caught on and it left him to venture further out for scraps.

Finding a stray made his body fill with excitement, he could almost taste the drug on his tongue. A flash of blonde froze him, his breath caught and he tried desperately to retreat, but it was too late. The need for the fix out weighed the need to run as far from the blonde hair sitting cluelessly by the water. Begging and screaming internally he managed to stumble enough to give the girl a heads up.

Please. Run away.


	3. Baby Take My Hand

“Bellamy?” Clarke had managed to just get out before he crashed into her.

Hitting the ground hard she gasped looking up into his farel eyes, his fingers curled around her throat and she struggled under him. Kicking her feet and bucking her hips clarke tore her eyes away from the wild man choking the life from her, searching for anything, a rock, a stick, anything to knock him off her. 

“Bellamy...S-stop!” Clarke begged clawing at his fingertips after finding nothing useful in reach. 

Bellamy cringed against his name, pulling back away from her with wide eyes. Choking on the air as it filled her lungs Clarke scrambled away from him, watching as he seemed to battle between feelings. It only took a few moments before he settled on her again racing to her, this time Clarke dipped out of the way tripping over herself as she started for the tree line. 

The sound of Bellamy hot on her tail made Clarke opt to grab a discarded piece of driftwood, once her hands grabbed the wood she felt him wrap his arms around her waist. Flinging her back Clarke clung to her new weapon for dear life, he started to come down on her again and she kicked him away causing him to stumble enough for her to take a swing. 

It missed. Drawing back again Bellamy watched her carefully as if he was sizing her up, as if he could will her to put down her weapon and let him attack her again. They stayed like that for a moment, him watching her so intently and her trying to wrap her head around what had happened to him. 

Taking a shot Bell darted out at her dodging a swift swing, he grabbed the end of the rotting wood and kicked her in the stomach yanking the weapon away from her as she fell. Clarke landed on her back curling up and clutching herself for a heartbeat before rolling out of the way as the wood came down. She slung her arm back across the wood before he could rase it again kicking his knee out before she kicked him in the face as he fell. 

Clarke raised her leg to kick him one more time but he grabbed her and yanked her down to his level, she gave his jaw a quick hard elbow and shoved his shoulder with all the force she could rolling him over so she could flee. It only took the distance of three steps before he was on her again, grabbing her by the hips and dragging her back down to the ground, he quickly crawled up her body and wrapped on arm around her neck cutting of her air supply once more.

Clarke panicked, she thrashed under him and he just pressed down harder on her grunting in her ear as she elbowed him in the ribs repeatedly. It took four hits before she abandoned and started clawing at his arm gasping and kicking her feet. This was it, she wa starting to lose consciousness and it was horrifying.

“Bellam…” 

Clarke started going limp in his hold, her fingers losing urgency, eyes starting to close slowly, her body shook desperate for oxygen. Bellamy nuzzled his face into her hair and took a deep breath, he fisted his free hand into her beautiful blonde locks letting her get one last look at him before her body went limp in his hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapters are so short, but they'll get longer I promise. Thanks for reading love.


	4. Subject Notes File 2

Subject 079

Day 32: The subject has formed a sort of habit, it spends two days after injection with the group of other Cerberus then ventures off on it's own, only coming back when it needs another injection. It seems to have mapped out a hunting ground, game trails, the hidden traps planted by the local people. It watches the people learning what they use as food or medical resources. 

Day 34: Subject 079 seems to have made itself a bunker. 

Day 37: The subject has started gathering things in it's bunker, water, dried out food, and hides of animals it's killed. None of the others in the project have shown this kind of behavior, they all reside in the safely of the tunnels. Not 079 though…

Day 40: Subject 079 has encountered a blonde woman. I’m more than sure it's the same girl that escaped from this facility a few months prior. It seems to hesitate. 079 simply put the girl to sleep and carried her to his bunker. The way it holds her seemes almost… gentle. 

Day 41: 079 has retrieved another specimen and dragged it back into the tunnels leaving the blonde girl tied up in it's bunker, strange. It didn't kill her, didn't bring her to trade for the drugs. The subject seems to be saving her for some reason, can it still feel? Did it know the blonde girl? What makes her so special?

Day 43: Subject is returning to it's bunker, i wonder if it's going to kill her now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All subject notes are short sorry. just little incites to Bellamy.


	5. Come On Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little risky this chapter... if you get triggered easily may wanna skip... X-X

The two days went by quickly, and he found himself making his way back to the blonde haired girl as quickly as he could. Something about knowing she was there waiting for him had him crazy, he passed through the woods paying little attention to his traps or the villages he hunted wanting little more than to see her again. 

Reaching the small bunker he opened the heavy metal door that he sealed shut after leaving her tied up on the ground. The blonde wasn't where he’d left her, but the ropes were. Stopping in his tracks he didn't enter the space, it was small only one room and a bathroom, no windows, no holes, no way out but the door he stood just outside of. Meaning she was still in there, waiting, he crouched down assessing the room (or rather what he could see of it). Water was missing from his shelf, the little dried out meat and nuts he’d scavenged were gone, no tools were gone though out of place and he didn't see her in the room. No shoes on the ground, the bathroom light was off.

She must have heard him opening the door. Two options, first was that she was out of sight behind the door waiting to pounce when he came inside, or two she was hiding in the bathroom without the light on. Smart bet was that she was behind the door, she wasn't stupid enough to corner herself off in the bathroom. Standing upright he looked at the door remembering what was there, no weapons, his tools were still accounted for so she was unarmed. Nothing dangerous enough to make her a worthy opponent.

Slamming himself against the door quickly he hoped she’d be stupid enough to be caught by it, but she was waiting a few feet away. She jumped startled at the suddenness of his movement, quickly recovering she darted toward the door. Catching her easily he yanked her back into the room slamming her down on the ground, he turned quickly trying to close the door before she could get back up. It was slow because it was so heavy and she started out again, he kicked her hip as she passed him knocking her into the wall. Choosing to deal with her first he grabbed her throat and slammed her head into the wall lifting her up off her feet, she looked at him with wide eyes before kicking him in the crotch.

It hurt, he stumbled back and hunched over giving her a chance to get out the door, he only let her get a few feet before he grabbed a fist full of hair and grabbed her left knee yanking it out from under her causing her to fall. The blonde kicked out at him but he caught her foot and started dragging her back into the bunker, she screamed and struggled against him. She started kicking at his hands he grabbed the second foot and put them both under his arm grabbing her hips to get a better grip on her so he could drag her faster. 

Once they were back inside he took her over to a metal desk, he had a few trap pieces stored away. The girl thrashed around and he growled getting more impatient with her as she kept fighting, he dropped her legs and climbed on top of her holding her chest down with one hand as he dug through the drawer. Grabbing out some rope he put one knee on her chest and grabbed one flailing wrist, looping it around he he caught the other and started to tie with together. The blonde slipped one hand free and scratched his face, it didn't hurt so he ignored it deciding to just tie off one hand to a pillar in the middle of the room. 

After he tied up one he decided to lock the door before dealing with her again, it would take her too long to free herself so he didn't bother with the other hand. Shutting the heavy door he turned the lock and latched it up tightly it wouldn't seal form this side anymore but she wouldn't be able to unlock it without him incapacitating her first. Turning back to face her she was frantically trying to free her wrist, he walked back to her grabbing her free arm and jerking it away from the rope, she had tricked him. The blonde had a heavy metal wrench from his draw and hit him over the head with it.

Reeling from the hit he stumbled back, vision swimming as he tried to steady himself. Blood dripped down his temple, she struggled with the door. He lost all reason, racing toward her he slammed her into the door grabbing a fist full of hair and banging her head against the wall three times before tossing her back to the ground. Dropping to his knees he climbed on top of her grabbing her shirt he lifted her of the ground then slammed her back down, she was limp in his hold. 

Jerking her up again she reached out and grabbed a fistful of cloth from his shirt, she lulled in his arms blood starting to stain her yellow hair. He watched her starting to come out of his rage filled fit, she licked her lips and started to speak but he couldn't hear her. Leaning down to try and make out her words he caught her scent in his nose. It was intoxicating, he pulled her up into him burying his face in the back of her neck, he groaned wrapping his arms around her and digging his fingertips into her back. 

“Bellamy….” She muttered.

It was like she was a drug, her smell pulled him in and made him want to bury himself inside her, rip her apart and bathe in her. Before he could stop himself he had one hand fiststed in her hair yanking her head back so he could lap at her neck, it was feral like a dog that hadn't eaten in weeks. Sounds started to fill his throat as he tried to get deeper into her, licking turned to nipping, turned to biting till she was writhing under him gasping and begging him to stop

“S-stop! Bellamy! Stop it, I can't breathe!”

Shoving her down into the ground he pulled away from her just enough to rearrange himself between her legs. The blonde put her hands up between them trying to keep some distance, but he just pushed them away and started to breathe her in again, he nuzzled his face into her chest slipping his hand up her sides to raise the thin shirt she wore. Nipping at the cloth he pulled away enough to try and push it off her, she refused and tried to pull it back down. Digging his fingers into her ribs he grabbed the shirt with his other hand, using his teeth he ripped the shirt at the neckline exposing her skin and the irresistible scent that covered her breasts. 

“Stop! Please! Bellamy, don’t!” She cried out pushing at his shoulders trying to get him off her.

He ignored her completely, choosing to rub his face against her chest turning into her every once in a while to take a deep breath of her, she was stiff in his hold, gasping and wiggling under him when he’d move against her in the wrong way. He hummed peacefully against her exposed skin sinking down into her till he was lying still against her.


	6. Romeo And Juliet

Just the way he held her made Clarke’s throat close up and her heart start thudding in her chest. She had let him lay on her for what seemed like hours, finally she dared to try and move. Each time she shifted she held her breath afraid he’d wake up and start attacking her again. As it was she could feel the bruises starting to form all over her body, her head was pounding and her neck felt like it was on fire. 

Just as soon as she had managed to scoot out from under him fully he started to stir reaching out for her. Clarke froze letting him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back into him, he laid his head on her stomach nuzzling into her before going completely limp again. Letting out a breath she didn't realize she was holding Clarke gently pulled his hands from around her.

“Shhh, shh, it's okay Bell. it's okay.” She soothed when his eyes started to flicker under his lids.

It seemed to calm him enough, she held his head in her hands as she slowly moved him off her and placed him on the floor next to her. Looking down at him he looked like his old self again, Clarke wondered what happened to him in the time that had passes. Lincoln had come back after a few days and old them Bellamy was taken to become a Reaper, the plan had failed, Clarke had never felt so defeated in her life. 

It was her fault. Bellamy Blake was gone and she had no one else to blame but herself, seeing him now was worse than thinking he was dead. Not only was she to blame for him being taken away from the people that loved him, but she was the reason he was covered in dry blood and dirt, he was a Reaper now... and it's all her fault. 

Getting to her feet slowly she made her way to the door, taking one last look she grabbed the lock handle. As if on cue Bellamy’s eyes shot open, his eyes locked on her taking in what she was doing. Clarke felt panic rise in the back of her throat as she fumbled to get the door open, he was up and running full speed within a second slamming against the door to keep it closed. 

Something like a feral growl tore from him as he turned to face her, Bellamy grabbed her around the waist and lifted her over his shoulder. Before Clarke could object he was slamming her down by pillar he’d tied her to before, she gasped and hugged her body disorientated from the fall. Bellamy keeled down and pulled her upright so she was sitting in front of him. Starting to tie her hands together again Clarke jerked away from him turning in an attempt to get away from him. Jerking her back up he moved between her legs to try and keep her steady, she struggled in his hold kicking her legs and jerking her arms out of his hold till he grabbed her by the jaw and slammed her head into the pillar. 

Head spinning she almost didn't notice him straddle her hips, he finished tying her hands together and started to pin them to the pillar. Jerking away again Clarke brought her elbow against his jaw in a hard swift movement. Bellamy growled finished with her out-lash, grabbing her shoulders he shoved her down on the ground and yanked her arms up above her head tying them quickly to the pillar before looking down at her. Clarke wiggled under him trying her best to free herself from under his weight, he grabbed her law again digging fingers into her cheek trying to keep her still. 

Settling down she looked up at him a mix of fear and curiosity in her eyes, she’d never seen a reaper act like this, they were all about killing and eating, dragging people off to mount weather. Bellamy looked down at her anger subsiding replaced with something… different. Moving his fingers from her jaw he traced a line to her lips dragging a finger across the bottom one and watching in intently as it moved with him exposing inside her mouth, he shifted on top of her putting his free hand up to grip the pillar so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“Bellamy?” Her voice shook as she muttered his name.

The dark look in his eye shifted, he’d been watching her so intently with brows knitted together and lips slightly parted, now he blinked it away looking more confused. Jerking away Bellamy slipped off her and sat on the floor beside her, he looked her over with confusion till his eyes caught sight of something. Eyes turning from dazed and confused to laser focused, he got up and grabbed hold of her thy spreading her legs so he could inspect it. 

Clarke tried pulling away from him, kicking out at him with her other leg which he caught and pinned down putting his knee. Gasping at the weight of him on her she stilled in his hold, he touched her other thy and she winced at the pain. Looking down at himself he ran his hand alongside his pants stopping at a bone knife, he pulled it free and tossed it aside with a huff. 

Getting up he went to the desk rummaging through the draws for a few seconds before coming back to her, she pulled away instinctively and he grabbed her thighs roughly bringing his knee back to where her thy meets her hip to keep her in place. Sitting down on his foot he pulled her butt up onto his knee so she rested in his lap as he started to clean the wound stopping only to rip the cloth open a bit more so he could see better.

Clarke gasped at the way he moved her, acting as if she were nothing more than a heavy object. When he ripped her pants she tried to move away from him again to which he simply re-adjusted by wrapping his arm around the thigh holding onto the inner part where it met her hip while her knee was held under his shoulder (in his armpit). 

Shifting again she looked down at what he was doing seeing a large cut on her inner thigh, he poured some liquid onto it and she screamed jerking around as she tried to flee. Bellamy just held her tightly in place using his free hand to hold down her stomach so she didn't move too much. The pain only lasted a moment and she relaxed back into his hold letting him go back to fixing her wound.

She’d never seen him like this before so focused, so intent on fixing her leg, as if all the rest of the world melted away and all there was left was her wound. Tensing up again Clarke let out a strangled cry when he started stitching her up, she dug her nails into her palms and bit down on her lip. It should have hurt worse, whatever he put on her must have numbed her up a little, either way it still didn't feel great and she had to stop herself from jerking her leg too much. Small sounds of pain kept slipping from her and she’d writhe under him off and on till he was finished, all patched up with a white dressing wrapped around her thigh Bellamy finally let go of his hold on her. Clarke was sure he’s left bruises in the shape of his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... that happened. XD thanks for reading, feedback is always helpful and comments are much appreciated!


	7. We Can Be Like They Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, short, short. I skipped the order sorry! thanks for reading! Feed back is loved and comments are adored.

A day passed and he started to feel the need clawing at him, the drug was starting to wear off and it made his mind a little dizzy. There was so much he still needed to do, so much preparation and work he’d have to put in till the bunker was ready for her to be left. Spending most of the day(and night) before out hunting and gathering supplies now he was left watching the blonde girl as she slept on the ground. Crouching down to get a better look at the dark bruising on her delicate pale skin, the way her neck blossomed with teeth marks and her hair crusted with blood, she was an enigma pulling him in and rejecting him all at once. 

Inching closer he started assessing her, nothing looked broken, she looked normal color(aside from the bruises), not sweaty, still breathing, she looked… good. The shirt she wore was ripped from the neck line down to the bottom of her bra and her pants had a hole the size of his hand on the thigh, both from him and he couldn't stop staring at the little bits of milky skin. The girl made a soft sound and he found himself leaning in to hear her, after a moment he reached out to touch her ripped shirt.

Fingertips gently brushed along the edge of the fabric touching her skin in spots, her eyebrow twitched and she shifted under the feel. Moving his hand up her neck he pushed some hair from her face, his fingertips slowly moved back down to trace the bumps where he’d bitten down on her. Pulling away he rubbed his head feeling the drug starting to blur his reasoning, moving to untie her he hesitated. Bringing her back to the tunnels would save him a hunt, looking down at her mess of blonde hair he shut his eyes. Too easy. He’d leave her in the bunker locked inside and see if she was still alive when he came back.

Locking the door tightly behind him he covered his tracks hiding her away for safekeeping. Finding a new scapegoat was easy, however he found himself so wound up from not killing the blonde that he ended up beating the first three he found to death stopping only when he was in a puddle of what once could have been human. It took him the rest of the day and half the night before he was able to control himself enough to drag one back to the tunnels, desperate he ended up trying to attack the guard for the drug getting him beat and tazed several times.

By the end he just laid there sprawled out the haze of withdraw engulfing him, hearing a familiar voice he opened one eye to search for the scientist that had handled him. They spoke about him for a few minutes before the man he knew walked over to him kneeling down beside him, closing his eyes again he couldn't find the strength to move. Feeling the injection he sighed trembling from the feeling of pure ecstasy of it running through his veins, it was truly the best kind of pleasure… well maybe.


	8. Subject Notes File 3

Subject 079 Notes:

Day 44: The subject has the girl locked away, it seems to have some sort of attraction to her. Her pheromones seem to have spared her from death. Perhaps a larger dose will remedy the problem. We’ve set out to make mindless killing machines we cannot have one showing such compassion.

Day 45: 079 has spent the day getting food and water for the girl, it plans of keeping her alive? The nature of it's interest in the girl is curious. 

Day 46: Subject 079 had prepared the bunker for the girl, removing weapons and leaving supplies. It now watches her. It's unlike anything we’ve seen in other Cerberus subjects, it touches her with a gentleness that is unprecedented.

Day 47: Subject has shown a degree of aggressiveness that has never been displayed in it before, mauling three people. It left little of the victim, ripping bones from the body eating organs and causing as much suffering as possible before killing them. Strange. 

 

Day 48: 079 has come back to the tunnels, time to test a new dose. Lets see just how well it can behave with this much of the drug inside him. The girl is as good as dead.

Day 50: 079 killed several other Curbers and slaughtered anything that crossed it's path on it's way back to her. Subject has taken it's normal two days to get back to it's bunker, the effects of the higher dose had unforeseeable side effects, which was unfortunate for the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Suspense! Thanks again for reading! comments are loved and feed back is adored!


	9. We'll Be Able To Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape, if that triggers you I've put in a spot warning when its coming up.

A day had passed and Clarke found that the bunker had running water, though it wasn't drinkable she could bathe and flush the toilet. Exploring the bunker and turned up little to nothing, she had jugs of fresh water and plenty food, but no extra clothing and nothing useful for escape. 

The three days she had left without him passed fairly slowly, she had taken a cold shower which was well needed and washed out her clothes. Changing her bandages and inspecting the handy work she realized Bellamy had a pretty good hand at stitching. A mirror on the bathroom wall had showed her the array of discolored bruising that covered her skin, her neck was still tender and she watched her cheeks heat up at the thought. The way he had buried himself in her skin was a mixture of emance fear and an odd sense of arousal, on the one hand she knew it was her Bellamy(not that she’d ever thought of him in a romantic way) but on the other she knew it wasn't.

With a heavy sigh Clarke started pulling on her fresh clothes, she had managed to sew her shirt back up so it covered her (though it was now a pretty low cut). Her pants were unfixable without a patch so she ended up just leaving them with the hole, she had just finished putting her bra and underwear back on when the door opened. Clarke jumped in surprise, she quickly pulled her shirt on over her head as she heard the door locking.

Managing only to have pulled the shirt down over her hips Clarke froze when Bellamy appeared in the doorway, he was covered in blood and dirt. Fear clawed at her throat and she watched as he put a hand up to hold the frame of the door, his head bowed down watching the floor. Maybe he didn't see her? Maybe he just wanted in the shower? She looked over at her pants on the counter. So many thoughts crossed her mind, what the hell had happened to him, he didn't look anything like this the first time he’d come back. Swallowing hard she let out a shaky breath, his head snapped up and his eyes locked on her. 

“Bellamy?” Clarke croaked afraid to move. 

The sound of his name seemed to upset him and he started howling grabbing a fistful of his hair as he backed out of the doorway, he punched the wall over and over truing away from her to knock over his desk. Clarke took a step back startled at his reaction, she felt herself hit the edge of the tub that still had a few inches of soapy water from her shower. It may have running water but the draining wasn't so hot. 

When she looked back up she had only enough time to duck out of the way as he barreled at her, he went crashing into the tub water quickly turning black from the mixture of blood and mud. It only slowed him enough to give her a head start, she reached the door before he snatched her arm and dragged her back into his body. Clarke thrashed around kicking the wall so it knocked them both back he let her go and she shoved him back into the water darting out the door and shutting it behind her.

Watching the door was stupid on her part but she hadn't expected anything like this when he came back and she was still in shock. A scream tore through her when Bellamy kicked the door from it's hinges, it fell on the ground in front of her and Clarke looked up at him with wide eyes.

It didn't take him long before he was grabbing her by the throat cutting of her air and yanking her against him, she struggled in his hold. He backed them up into a wall and clenched his jaw grinding his teeth as he watched her panic, Clarke gasped dryly and pushed at him tapping at his hands and mouthing his name. An inhuman growl ripped through him and he let her go hitting the wall beside her again as he screamed. 

Choking Clarke held her throat cringing away from him without moving too suddenly, he pulled away from her grabbing his head and thrashing around till he was on the ground kicking and howling. Fear pinned her down as she watched him freak out, she slid down the wall hugging her knees to her body in an attempt to look small. She couldn't move, couldn't breath so scared it would trigger him and turn his attention back to her. It didn't last to long and once he stopped fighting against himself he sat up looking dead eyed, he rolled over so he was on his hands and knees. It took him a moment before he started breathing hard again, his eyes turned frantic and his fists clenched, Clarke could see the aggression washing over him.

Again he bowed his head staying completely still as he made animistic sounds, clawing at the ground he peered up at her. Holding her breath Clarke pressed herself into the wall, he started inching closer to her and when he finally reached her she could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. Bellamy was someone she held dear to her heart, he was the one person she trusted fully no matter what she knew he’d do what was best for the people he loved. The sinking feeling of knowing he was going to kill her broke her heart. 

One hand reached out for her it slipped slowly across her neck and grabbed a clump of hair at the base of her skull, she gasped as the other slid between her knees and yanked her down onto the floor by hugging her thigh dragging her. He lingered above her water dripping off his clothes and hair leaving little dark spots all over her, he grabbed her jaw roughly running his thumb over her bottom lip watching as it exposed her mouth. Clarke looked at him with desperate eyes, what was he doing? Heart pounding in her chest, it wasn't the same as last time, he didn't looked dazed and confused he looked angry. 

(Trigger warning! Now’s the time to turn away)

Bellamy pulled away just enough to peel his wet jacket off, he tosses it aside and pulled his shirt off too. His body was covered in bruises, cuts, scars and burn marks, she watched him astounded by the carnage that danced across his harden muscles. Coming back down on her Clarke whimpered, the sound drew him into her he watched her mouth for another sound for a moment before he started grabbing at her clothes pulling at them trying to get them off too. 

Clarke grabbed his hands trying to stop him from pulling off her shirt he leaned his head down into her neck breathing in her scent again, only this time he was rougher. Digging his fingers into her hips he pushed up against her, a groan passed his lips and she turned her head away from him sobbing as quietly as possible. Grabbing her hair again he pulled her into him as he bit down on the back of her neck, it hurt and she tensed up grabbing at his shoulder and squeezing his hips with her thighs. 

Yanking her shirt up Bellamy rolled his hips up into her he moved one hand down to undo his pants, Clarke swallowed hard shutting her eyes tightly. This was going to happen, he was going to… she stopped herself thinking over her options, but anything she thought of even up with him choking her to death. He’d managed to avoid hitting her and she was thankful for it, but she wasn't ready for this. Panic started setting in and she caught his hand again truing to look him in the eye.

“Bellamy, please.” She cried giving his hand a squeeze.

There was a mixture of emotions on his face, clear anger, confusion, lust, and frustration, he watched her for a long moment trying to work through what he was doing. Nails biting into her hips he shut his eyes his other hand tangled itself in her hair he leaned his forehead on hers and tried to slow his breathing. He moved the hand on her hip down her thigh dragging his nails across the sensitive flesh kneading at her soft skin once his hand settled, she tried to stay still but she arched at the pain making a garbled sound in the back of her throat. Bellamy pressed down harder on her head with his, grinding his teeth and tensing his whole body, it shook with the effort of trying to keep composure. 

Finally he broke, his eyes snapped open and his mouth engulfed hers, he moaned at the taste of her pressing his hips into her roughly. Clarke sobbed, he had tried to stop himself but nothing short of her knocking him out was going to keep him from raping her. His hand pushed her thigh up and into the ground giving him more room, he finished undoing his belt and pushed his pants down enough for him to free his dick. Clarke whined into him her body shaking as she pressed her hands against his chest trying to give herself space. 

The sound only urged him on and he moved his mouth to her jaw breathing her in as he pressed himself against her underwear rubbing against her, his fingers slipped under the cloth finding her sensitive bundle of nerves and working them. He could have just raped her shoved himself into her and fucked her raw, but he tried to make her comfortable and it hurt her to think about it.

“Bellamy stop! Please… please stop.” It came out strangled by her sobs.

He ignored her pushing his fingers into her two at a time, working at her till he couldn't stand it anymore. The longer he waited the more frantic his bites and sucking became, it started hurting till she was crying out each time he moved his mouth to a new spot on her skin. It startled him when she grabbed a handful of his unruly curls and yanked him off her, she gasped and tried to ignore the burning feeling feeling on her collarbone and his fingers working her insides.

“Please don't do this Bell.” 

Moving her underwear to the side he adjusted himself, Clarke shook her head and tried to wiggle away from him. Bellamy grabbed her hips and pulled her back down to him, she thrashed around trying to get away from him rolling halfway over as she clawed her way toward the door. With a growl he pushed her the rest of the way over and pinned her down, she sobbed harder into the ground while he yanked her hips up and bit down on her shoulder. Clarke screamed feeling him adjust himself again before pushing into her.

The first push made him moan, he let his teeth up and kissed at the mark it left behind. The more he moved in and out of her the softer his bites became till they were more of little nips and kisses than anything else. Moaning into her back and breathing her in as he defiled her, Clarke sobbed against the floor till she had no more tears. Long after he had pulled out of her and retreated further into the room.


	10. Don't Fear The Reaper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, even though its short this chapter is emotional... Good luck.

Each time he looks back at her it takes everything in his power not to go to her, her scent invades him and hither for him to get closer. The drug inside him only sees red, it wants to rip her apart and revel in the mess of her blood and bone discarded from her body. So he stays away, fingers locked in his own hair, trying desperately not to let himself go, don’t kill her, don't touch her, don't even look at her. 

Howling again at the obsessive need to stop her breathing, stop her heart from beating, stop her from looking so… he kicks out at the fallen door angry with his lack of control, she wasn't dead but he wanted little more than to eat her alive. It was driving him mad just being near her, that name repeating in his head, her voice choking on it.

Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy. Bellamy.

Screaming he got up to his feet vision blurring as he clawed at the locked door, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out. He couldn't remember how to open it, couldn't stop himself from uselessly banging his fists into it, he was a mess of yelling and rage burning away at him leaving him void of anything but. Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he couldn't see his hands anymore they were covered in blood from his endless pounding knuckles against the hard metal.

Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out .Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out. Bellamy. Let me out.

It was madness, and he’d never truly know what it felt like before, to be so completely consumed by the drug and still be aware. It was sickening, he couldn't reason, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but hit the door like a caged animal. 

A hand touched his shoulder, it was soft and warm and it wrapped around his chest hugging him to the warmth of another body. Frozen his mind went blank, one arm was still drawn back and the other was pressed against the metal but once she pressed herself to him he couldn't move. Tears still drip down his face and he couldn't understand why, why was he doing this, why was she holding him, why did that of all things hurt when he couldn't feel the pain in his hands? 

“Stop. You’ll hurt yourself Bellamy.” the blonde girl choked out.

Staggering back he fell to his knees grabbing his head again, please don't hurt her. She held onto him hugging him tightly as if he’d fall apart with her and she was probably right, he would be just another animal without her. Rocking back and forth he tried to will away the blood lust, tried to subside the rage. Don’t hurt her, please don’t hurt her, don't make me kill her.

“C-Clarke….” it was a whimper, a broken cry for her.

“I’m here Bell. I’m right here, I’ve got you. Stay with me Bell, please stay with me.” She begged sobbing into his back.

Please don't kill her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. all feed back is welcomed and Comments are cherished.


	11. Subject Notes File 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for such a short chapter! I got sick, it was not fun.

Subject Notes

 

Notes have switched from daily to little notes between my work, I’m still trying to replicate the end product with other Cerberus but it truly seems this one is different. 

Subject is at it's peak of violence, the drug thick in it’s veins and yet it still can't kill the girl. Rape her, it even left her a mess of bruises and bite marks but it can't quite rip her apart. Quite interesting to watch, 079 becomes overwhelmed with rage but won't make a moved toward her. 

Very strange bond the two have, the subject has seemed to clam with her. Subject still can't quite grasp gentle but it looks to be trying. How astounding. 

Never once in my lifetime has something like this happened. Perhaps I should re-read 079’s file and run some more tests. Something about him must be different genetically, no Cerberus has ever taken such a high dose. This one had not only lived though it, it seems to be overcoming it's basic instincts for this woman. 

Upon testing the blood sample I now know why the subject has such adverse reactions to the drug… he’s part of the 100 that came from the ark. I must have him back. Next time he comes for his injections, I’m going to make myself immune. 

Where is she taking him?


	12. We Can Be Like They Are

The first day passed too quickly, Clarke held Bellamy in her arms till he turned and laid in her lap arms wrapped around her waist head buried in her shirt. Every once in a while he’d start to stir and she’d whisper softly to him, running her fingers through his hair. It was almost peaceful, if she didn't think to hard about the fact that she could still feel his teeth on her skin, or hear his moans in her ear, her whole body throbbed and ached. 

The first time Bellamy had nuzzled into her Clarke held her breath, he slipped his fingers under her shirt lifting it so he could feel her skin on his and she tensed in his hold. Lips brushed against her stomach once before he pressed his cheek against her going lack again. Her heart was pounding, she’d lost all color in her skin and she felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her, anytime he touched her she’d freeze but she couldn't make herself pull away. 

Clarke woke up the next day with him still clinging to her, his head on her hip hugging her bare thigh with one arm and the other slung over her so he could hold her waist. The shirt she wore was pushed up to just under her breast and she never had the chance to put her pants back on, he was shirtless and his pants hung low on his ass since he never buttoned them back up. It was a strange image to wake up too and it felt so intimate she squirmed under him. 

The way his back dipped down and his dimples showed made her look away embarrassed, he had pinned her down and put himself inside her just yesterday and now she was looking at him like she wanted to do the same. Everything inside her was conflicted, the way he looked at her, the way he tried, she couldn't find it in herself to blame him, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking about it. Saying she’d never thought of him in that way before would be a lie, but she had never imagined it would be like this, he wasn't himself and she was overwhelmed with guilt. 

As if on cue Bellamy shifted, he nuzzled in closer resting his head on her pelvis bone before settling back his fingers moving up her hips to her ribs. It was too much thinking about him while he was laying on top of her, and the fact that her body was warming up to the idea was making her lose focus. Right now she needed a plan, a way to get Bellamy back to the drop ship so she could dry him out like Lincoln and bring back him back to her. Chewing her her bottom lip she looked down at him propping herself up on her elbows, he would never be the same and that hurt her so bad she couldn't stand it. She destroyed him and now she had to make him aware of what he’d done. 

It took a full day and night to get Bellamy into a rhythm, she couldn't get him to focus on her so she ended up having to blindfold him. The test run wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, she would talk to him and throw something across the room trying to get him to keep attention on her. It took a few dozen tries but finally he ignored any other sound but her voice. 

Though the second her hand touched the door for the first time he went ballistic. In the end she had to have him hold her waist while she opened to door, he had started to move his hand but Clarke held it down on her hips. He calmed after a moment. Looking back over her shoulder she hoped she could do this, she didn't even know where they were, what if she couldn't get him back to the drop ship? What if he took off and she lost him or if they ran into someone and Bellamy killed them? What if she couldn't get him to breathe again? What if he died?

Taking a deep breath Clarke cleared her head, no time to waste on self doubt. Bellamy needed her to come through for him, she had to fix him there was no room for what if, she will save him and he will come back to her. Nothing would get in her way, nothing would stop her from saving Bellamy Blake. Clarke opened the door taking his hand in hers she lead him outside.

“Come on Bell, lets go home.”


	13. Valentine Is Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of rambling but longer chapter. hope you guys enjoy it. As always feed back is welcomed and comments are cherished, thanks for reading!

Handling leaving the bunker was harder than he’d imagined. The blonde had managed to keep him from killing her but this was agonizing. Every sound had him on edge, the smell in the air, the way the wind tasted of the nearby water, it was distracting and took so much more to keep his focus on her. 

Clenching and unclenching his fists he started to breath heavily turning to listen to each sound, birds, animals, the wind moving the leaves, water running in a nearby rivers. Growling he gripped at his hair before covering his ears, it was too much. The blonde reached out to him and he reeled away from her hissing and swiping out at her, he started to flee when she spoke.

“Bellamy, stop. Come on, don't leave me out here alone. Please, just stay with me.” 

Again she reached out to him, this time he let her pull him in. Taking in a deep breath he grabbed a fistful of her hair his other hand gripping her jaw bone, she soothed him till he let her go and relaxed. Taking both his hands she tied them together and he didn't object, it actually helped him feel less feral, aggression leaking away as he held her hand with both his.

It only took them a few minutes for her to stop and put her hands on his face, she spoke calm soothing words and he tried his best to listen. Everything was just so overwhelming, he crouched down and let her cradle him into her chest he took a deep breath and let himself calm. It only took a few moments before he stood back up, he wanted to see her, see the drowning blue of her eyes but he settled for her hand in his. this happened a lot over the course of the trip, he'd shut down and she'd let him breathe her in calming him enough to keep going.

It took a full day for them to get their footing before they fell into a good rhythm, he startled easily and ended up attacking a few animals in the woods. The blonde would chase after him and ended up just walking alongside the river the rest of the way, something about the running water was loud and distracting enough that he stopped freaking out quite as frequently and he didn't run off after anything else. 

The further they moved into the forest the more familiar things began to be, he could smell the charred earth, and her scent was all over. It was odd, like he’d been there before. 

A branch snapped and he grabbed her face covering her mouth to keep her quite.Taking in a deep breath he could smell fresh mud from the river, the musk of a fox, turning his head toward the sound he listened hard only relaxing when he heard the sound of a pup in tow. Moving his hand from her face he stepped in closer to her, she took a breath holding it in leaning down he took another breath of her resting his head on her brow bone.

Pulling away after a moment she gently tugged him along again, walking up a ramp he stumbled as the ground leveled back out. The girl helped him further into the room, she put his hand on a cold metal pipe and told him to climb. After he complied she stepped into him, her hands pushed up at the him of his shirt and he leaned down so he could breathe in her hair again letting her push his shirt up and off his body. 

It was strange the daze her scent had put him in, she pushed him down gently into the floor and straddled his hips leaning down to push his arms over his head. There was a moment when she lingered over his mouth with hers and his brows knitted together, he felt that same ball of lust build up in him. Clenching his fists he pushed up into her with his hips, groaning at the feeling of her. 

The aggression started to leach back into him and he had to bite down to try and shake it off, he didn't even notice what she was doing till his hands were free. At first he moved them down to grab her hips and push them down on him, but she pulled them back up so he let them stay held in place.

“Don’t move.” She whispered.

The anger surfaced again and he did his best to bite it back, his legs moving under her restless as he clenched his fists again. She put her lips to his ear and started whispering to him, her hair fell over his face and he breathed her in loving the feel of her on him. The weight of her was welcomed and she managed to fill him up with that drowsy scent that settled him into submission. 

The sound of chains clicking into place around his wrist made him flinch, he jerked away from her but she pushed him back down into the ground and quickly clasped the other cuff around his free wrist. Jerking around under her he yanked on the chains hissing and thrashing as he tried to free himself, she grabbed his face trying to soothe him.

“Bellamy, it's okay! It's only a precaution. Stop fighting it.” She called to him trying to get him to settle again.

Still he kicked and withered not caring to listen, she’d chained him. It didn't matter how hard he tried to compose himself he couldn't, he couldn't think about anything but the chains and today was his seventh day. The need hadn't started to claw at him, but now it pounded in his veins driving animistic sounds from his body and making him thrash uncontrollably. 

Another full day passed before he tired out enough to stop, the blonde had slept, gathered food and water. The girl smelled fresh, like the water from the river, she’d been gone awhile she must have bathed. Recoiling from the feel of a wet cloth he thrashed around again, she just ignored him while cleaning the dirt from him. It took a while but he started to relax as she worked him over, he was starting to get weak from lack of food and water and the feeling of withdraw was creeping in on him. there was something about her hands roaming over his body that kept him still enough for her to finish.

Two more days and he was overcome with need, head throbbing so hard he couldn't stand it, his body ached and shook in withdraw. The blonde kept him bound and blindfolded, and now his wrists were raw from pulling on his restraints. It hurt to breathe, hurt to move, hurt to lay there wanting and needing the drug back inside him. Nothing he’d been through hurt like this, not the beating, not the electricity they had poured into him, not the days of torture to break him, nothing compared to this pain. 

The girl never left his side, she waited with him watching the pain wash over him and he could smell the tears on her face. Howling in pain was all he had left in him, he could feel himself starting to die, each ragged breath becoming harder to take. Whimpering he turned to face her. Wheezing he closed his covered eyes feeling his body start to shut down, no more quivering, jaw unclenching, his muscles relaxed one by one till he couldn't find the strength to force himself to breathe. Something he thought to be fear settled in while he listened to his heart struggle one last beat, death would finally smile upon him, take pity and let him rest.


	14. La La La La La La

I'm am deeply and fully sorry for anyone out there that may have been triggered by this chapter that I carelessly forgot to tag. I wish I could take it back and never mess up this experience for you, I understand that I made a mistake and I'm trying to rectify it. 

\- Kat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be left up for the comments, but the chapter is going to be rewritten and remade in a new chapter. I apologize for this chapter, it was late and I was pushing the line of dark and too dark. I am deeply sorry for anyone who had to read through it, I also want to say I am deeply sorry for forgetting to put the trigger warnings. I live for warnings and I know the importance of them, it was a horrible and shitty thing on my part. I am truly sorry for it. I hope you can forgive my mistakes.


	15. Baby I'm Your Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rewrite, just because the first was a little rushed and felt unfinished to me. Sorry for the wait work has been crazy this week!
> 
> This was how I had planned to take the Chapter from the start, there is mention of r*pe, and a whole lot of comfort with a dramatic end. I hope this is more what what we all wanted, thanks as always for reading. Feedback is glorious and comments are loved.

The sounds he made, God it ripped her up inside, watching him wither away and die was agonizing. Necessary and for his own good but soul crushing at the same time, she sat in the corner hugging her knees to her chest as she watched him suffer. Lincoln hadn't taken so long, he was in withdraw within a day of having him chained, but of course Bellamy would take days to suffer.

At last he stopped, no more ragged breathing and no more sounds of pain, Clarke sprang up grabbing the stun baton they had left after Lincoln’s revival. It took three full charges and a full 30 seconds of her beating on his chest breathing into him before he choked back to life. Nothing sounded quite as good as him wheezing and coughing, she laughed while tears rolled down her cheeks, he was alive. 

Throwing her arms around him Clarke hugged him so tightly she was scared he wouldn't be able to breath, but he growled and started thrashing around wildly in her hold. Jerking away she looked at him in disbelief, he wasn't cured. Howling he started slamming his head back into the ground so hard blood started to smear across the floor, she climbed on top of him and held him down as he strained himself trying to free himself.

What did she do wrong? He dried out, he stopped breathing, he came back, just like Lincoln everything was just like Lincoln but why wasn't he cured? Bellamy screamed arching his back so hard she thought he’d break it, she panicked watching the sound die out and seeing him go limp under her. Pressing her ear to his chest she rolled off him grabbing the rod and shocking him again, nothing, she hit him again with another full charge and watched him gasp kicking his feet as he tried to roll over.

Clarke watched him in a panic as he moved around before settling into the ground, she hesitated before crawling over to him and laying her head on his chest. Heart beating strong, breathing sounded good, she started sobbing on him. What had she done to him? What had had she given him over to?

The day passed and she couldn't tear her eyes from him, she watched him desperately chewing on her nails and pacing the floor till she couldn't stand it. Finally she gave up, unchaining him she sat with his head in her lap mirroring the other night when he was upset. Her fingers combed through his mess of curls, watching his face with sobs in her chest, he looked so helpless in her lap. 

Maybe he would never wake up, she’d fried his brain with the stun baton and now he was nothing but a shell, but it was him. His face, his body, hands, fingers, hair, scent, it was him, but he wasn't there anymore. Clarke sobbed harder, she killed him trying to save her friends and now it all seemed so pointless. Clutching him tightly she rocked him back and forth, Lexia was right, and now she’d have to carry him around for the rest of her life knowing he was dead because she was selfish and he would do anything for her. 

“You're choking me.” Bellamy croaked tugging at the arm around his throat.

Clarke looked down at him in shock. Had she gone insane? Was he alive, and coherent? She pulled him up into a hug to which he came willingly and buried herself in his shoulder. Bellamy hugged her back soothing her hair gently while taking the blindfold off before pulling away slightly, she crawled back into him not willing to let him go just yet. It made him chuckle. She hadn't killed him, she hadn't fired his brain or taken him from Octavia, he was alive.

After what felt like forever she let him pull away. The look in his eye was heartbreaking and she knew he was thinking about what he’d done, she cupped his face but he pulled away. Clarke choked back a sob, crying wouldn't help him, maybe nothing would help him but she had to try, had to make him see he couldn't let his guilt drown him. 

“Bellamy..”

“I killed people, I ripped them open and ate… I can’t”

Clarke shook her head, she’d seen him rip up animas and start eating them while they still struggled and cried out but picturing a person was gut wrenching. Bellamy tried pulling further away, he must have seen the look of horror on her face and again she cursed herself for hurting him, she grabbed his shoulders to keep him in place with her. Nothing seemed fitting for her to say, nothing could take it away or make him feel better about what he’d done.

(Mention of it)

“I… I hurt you…” He shut his eyes visibly flinching from the memory. “I rap-”

“No! No” She covered his mouth with her hand to stop him from saying it. “No, that wasn't you. I watched you try and stop. I could see you fighting for me and I won't let you blame yourself for that. I won't. I forgive you. I need you to forgive yourself” 

Bellamy looked at her with such haunted eyes, darkened by what he’d done as a reaper and dull from what he’d done since they landed. It was the same look he’d given her under the tree the night of the day trip to find guns, he said ‘all I do is hurt people’ and the pain he carried then had only been magnified by what she’d asked of him. Tears started to roll down his cheeks and she moved her hands to wipe them away, cupping his face as she rested her head on his.

“This isn't your fault. Please don’t let it eat you away, I can't do this without you.”

“Clarke… I raped you. Me. It was me, I can still see my teeth marks all over your body! I did that and no matter how much you say you forgive me… I’ll always be that person. I’ll always be in that scar.” 

Looking into his face she knew she was losing him, he was curling into the deep self loathing he had carried with him. Clarke was losing him again, and she couldn't bare it. Nothing she did was right, nothing she said would take away his suffering and for a moment she wished she’d let him die. At least he’d be in peace. At least she would have to watch him suffer for her sins.

(All clear!)

“I will always be the person that killed Finn, but Raven forgave me. I will always be the person that closed the drop ship doors on you, but you forgave me. I will always be the one who did this to you. Me. I did this… Can you forgive me everytime you look at the scars you carry from me? Can you forgive me for everything I’ve done?”

It was raw and painful and her voice broke on Raven’s name but she needed him to hear her, needed him to see her the way she saw him, raw and in pain. Bellamy watched her with those deep honey brown eyes filled with worry and concern something he did so often she’d taken it for granted. Turning his head up he kissed her temple pulling her into a tight embrace.

“That's not fair” He chuckled half heartedly. “You know I’d do it for you.” 

Clarke nuzzled into him wrapping her arms around him and clutching his shirt tightly. The embrace was painful in it's own, she had destroyed him, ripped out everything he was and he still found it in himself to forgive her for it. It was all her fault. Everything. Bellamy would carry the weight of the people he killed, he ate, he dragged to the mountain, the families he destroyed, and it was on her.

Shutting her eyes she took a breath of him, how could she ask him everyday for forgiveness. How could he look at her knowing she was the reason he suffered, and for the first time she thought about what he’d done to her. Attacked her at the river and covered her in bruises, tied her up, left her in the bunker for days… the other things. Clutching him tighter she moved her arms so she could hold her wrists keeping him close, how selfish of her to forgive him for everything he’d done to other people but not this. It was hypocritical, and it made her feel so small in his hold. It wasn't him. Watching him struggle against it, watching how it ripped him apart and now he’d carry that too. Each time he looked at her, he’d see it and he’d blame himself for something he would never do if she hadn't sent him into the mountain. 

“Bellamy I-”

Bellamy made a pained sound and pulled away from Clarke, she looked up at him to see a tranquilizer dart in his shoulder. Wide eyed she watched him grabbed it and looked up through the hole Murphy had left in the wall. Shoving her down out of the way he fumbled to get infront of her so any more darts would hit only him. Clarke scrambled away, she kept low to the ground till she reached the wall looking back at him in horror as two more darts hit him in the hip and thigh.

“Bellamy!” 

It was slow, unlike everything else around them that seemed to move at light speed, this was slow. Another dart hit him in his chest and he looked over at her, his face was calm and stoic. Clarke felt tears rolling down her cheeks, as his eyes clouded over and he stumbled back, he nodded his head at her knowingly as he hit the ground. 

Silently asking him yet again to forgive her she turned and bolted down the stairs, the doors they had locked shut already had men at them trying to get in. panicked she looked around for another way, landing on the crawl space Raven had been shot in she clawed it open feeling like the man were already breathing down her neck. She had just barely managed to get the small patch of broken floor back into place when the door busted down, recoiling from the sound she crawled backward and listened to them spread out in the room. 

Once she reached the edge of the forest she could no longer hear the sound of the mountain men, taking one last look she caught a glimpse of them carting Bellamy out of the ship they’d survived in for so long. Clenching her jaw she turned away from them and started back to Arcadia, they’d get him back even if it took her killing each and every one of them to do it. There would be no mercy left for the mountain.


End file.
